1st April 2015 -A special date

This is the day I was admitted to hospital.

A day that will always be remembered.

And this is how the story goes…

I have been married since 2009, and have been trying for a baby since 2012. We went to KKH for treatments and decided to do IUI to get pregnant in 2014 September. My first cycle didn’t materialise as I wasn’t responding as well as expected with the simulation of injections only, so the doctor advised for us to cancel this cycle. We agreed.

I had my second IUI cycle on November 2014. I managed to be stimulated enough with a pills and injections to produce 3 mature follicles. But this cycle failed when I didn’t manage to get pregnant. During the doctor review, she mentioned that my hubby’s sperm count was low on the day of IUI. She suggested that I give IUI one more chance before doing IVF as that is a more invasive procedure.

For my third cycle, I started my medications to induce menses in the end of December 2014, and I was informed that I will need to leave the company by the end of March 2015, due to department restructure. By that time, it was too late for me to reverse the process. My period came 2 days after the news. I started my third IUI cycle. I started my simulation with just injections as the pill will make it harder to stimulate the growth of the uterus lining. As expected, my follicles wasn’t stimulated enough. With the increase of injections amount, my follicles are stimulated, but at a large number too, so the doctor suggested that I either cancel this cycle or to go for IVF instead. We chose the latter. With more injections, and counseling for IVF, I started my IVF cycle. The doctor said that they will only do retrieval this round, but the transfer will only be done in my next cycle so that it will not be too taxing on my body. We agreed.

I had 14 follicles retrieved, but only 4 were fertilized, and finally only 2 made it to the freezing stage. So in my next cycle, both were transferred back into my uterus.

 
After the transfer, it was already March 2015, during the blood test, I know that I was pregnant with a beta of 1300. Which is a good number.

My first appointment was supposed to be on 08 April, which is one that I never made it to.

On 1st April, after my interview in the morning, I was on my way home since I have time before an interview in the afternoon, on the way back, I felt something gushing out from down below. And when I looked down, I realized I was bleeding, massively too. I called and informed my hubby about it, he was preparing for his shift but he called in urgent leave that day. I went home, changed my attire as my clothes are all covered in blood. Put on some pad, and took a cab to hospital. (I didn’t realised that I should have called an ambulance as I didn’t know it was something so serious.) By the time I reached hospital I have bled through my pad. So I changed into a hospital sarong. After waiting for my turn to see the doctor, they did a scan for me.

  

At that time, the doctor managed to find the baby inside my womb. But as I was still bleeding alot, she suggest that I get admitted and they will do a more detailed scan for me the next day.

I was still bleeding alot during the wait in the observation area in the emergency room. I was also listening to other mothers crying about the pain they were experiencing. But for me, I was just bleeding profusely, and I was totally without pain.

  
I was put on a drip to minimize my movement, and was told to just lie in bed. By the time they had a bed for me in the ward, the nurses have already changed me into pampers as I was really bleeding alot. In the ward, the nurses changed me back into pad for them to track the amount I am bleeding.

  
The next day, when the nurses brought me to the detailed scans, no baby can be found in me at all. So I was sent back to the ward. And in the ward, the doctor in charge explained to me the results of the scan, indicating that there isn’t any baby in me at all.

I was released from hospital the next morning.

I am grateful for the people who were there with me throughout my short journey. I enjoyed the moments I have the baby in me. I enjoyed the time I had the baby. The baby may be gone, but the moments are real.

  The times when I continued testing and testing to ensure that I was still pregnant since I didn’t have much symptoms.
The journey may not have been an easy one, but I enjoyed the journey. I have changed quite a bit as well. From someone who is afraid of injection to someone who can give myself injections everyday without fear. From someone who loves excitement from roller coasters to one who prefers the milder way of things. From someone who bothered by the expectation of others to someone who just want to do what is more important.

Of course this isn’t the end of the journey yet, I believe a baby will be blessed to me one day.

感想 (11/07/15)

有些日子你永远都不会忘记

有些事情你一辈子都会记得

有些经历会改写你的生命

有些经验会改变你的一生

I just felt so much from these words now. They explained alot of changes that happened to me these few months. 

The experience is unique, treasurable, special and only belongs to me. The experience may not be a positive one, it may bring tears into my eyes when I think about it, but it really did change me. And it changed me in a special way. It teaches me about things which I may not have done previously. 

I had enjoyed the whole process of experiencing and learning for this event and I have no regrets about it. It is a valuable experience which will always mean something to me. No matter how long time may have passed from the whole event.

Ah Boys to Men – Part 3 (01 March 2015)

I went to watch Ah Boys to Men (Part 3) alone as Hubs is not free to accompany to watch the movie with me.

I chose to watch it alone as the Boys are going to pop by in the cinema after the show. =)

I enjoyed the movie as I do with all Jack Neo’s movies without fail, but this movie was rather long, and there was a crying baby in the cinema.

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Malaysia trip coming soon

What do you look forward to in a holiday trip? The sights, the food, the flight or the people you may meet?

I enjoyed holiday trips because those are the days where I have undivided attention from my husband. Lol.

Due to our different work schedules we rarely have the whole day for ourselves, so it is only during such holiday trips where we have each other for the whole duration of the trip. Such a blessing indeed. 😉

So looking forward to my trip next week. 😉

7 Habits Happy People Have [But Never Talk About]

Sometimes, happy people are glaringly obvious. They have “pep in their step,” are often smiling, rarely complain, and won’t say a bad thing about anyone.

What’s that extra special element that they have that most people don’t?

Certainly, it appears there are some obvious things like genetics, up bringing, birthrights, money, fame (although both can be a downfall for many), a good job, a beautiful family, etc. But, none of these guarantee happiness.

Most happy people have very unobvious reasons that create happiness in their life.

Habit #1: Happy people don’t need acceptance.
In our culture, it’s often about your “inner circle.” It’s not what you know; it’s who you know.

Right?

Wrong. For many happy people, they are simply themselves, and through their infectious, radiant energy they attract other happy people.

Happy people don’t need to fit in with the crowd or change so that others will like them. They live and are guided by who they truly are and don’t need others to accept them.

Habit #2: Happy people embrace the temporary.
Happy people enjoy the ride and accept the bumps in the road that come along with it. They do so because they know that life is short and that things always work out. Besides, they are too busy excitedly awaiting the next good thing to come along anyways.

Jobs, relationships, and circumstances all come and go. In the meantime, happy people seek out their next adventure, learn and make the most of it.

Habit #3: Happy people refuse to be denied their dreams.
Happy people are not only gregarious, loving people, but they are also passionate about their dreams and tough-minded. They take hits in stride. They don’t settle for excuses or problems, they create solutions. Their dreams are far too important!

They deeply care about their hopes, dreams and goals. Ask a happy person what they want out of life. Most times, they will have an immediate answer. Happy people are driven, passionate and creative individuals with a positive end goal in mind that is usually for the betterment of not only themselves but for humanity and a better future.

One tip though… Don’t get in the way of that dream. They may take their happy face off for a minute or two.

Well, maybe not. But, they surely won’t let you stand in their way.

Habit #4: Happy people embrace equality.
There are people among us who have a pedestal and tend to look down on and criticize others. They look for other’s faults like theirs a reward for it, as Zig Ziglar once said.

But, truly happy people are completely different. They treat other people as equals, regardless of differences.

Look at some of the revolutionaries that have lived amongest us. The Dalai Lama, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa… the list goes on. Do you notice a characteristic that is common among them all? They are ALL for equality. They were also optimistic and loving people who went to any level to help others.

We are all one, and happy people know it.

Habit #5: Happy people put themselves first.
Putting yourself first is important. Our society needs to re-evaluate the misconstrued belief about this. We aren’t referring to being selfish, greedy and “Numero Uno”.

We are talking about healthy self-care. Happy people love and take care of themselves because that is the only way that they can show up for other people.

It’s true!

By constantly sacrificing your own needs, you cannot truly and fully take care of others. Happy people know this and have to put themselves first once in a while to show their best selves and be of service to others.

Habit #6: Happy people don’t worry about money.
Many of the happiest people in the world are just average people with modest means. They take pleasures in the small, free things like the weather, their family and friends, good food, a good book, the ability to walk, clean water, and the list goes on…

Happy people understand that money is just a form of energy and there is always enough provided at all times. Money creates more freedom, but happy people know that they truly don’t need money to be happy – it’s just an added bonus.

No matter how much they have, there is never lack – there is always enough. Happy people don’t talk about money problems, even if they have less than everyone else.

Most happy people don’t lust money. Lusting is greed. They may welcome more, but they don’t allow the worry for more to consume their life so much that they can’t enjoy where they are right now.

Habit #7: Happy people make small differences every day.
One of the greatest things about happy people is that they often do little things every day that make themselves and other people better and happier. They see humanity as something that needs to be improved, and they perform whatever deeds necessary to do so.

Happy people have daily habits that are positive and they strive to live every day this way, because they understand that overall small differences make a BIG difference. Happy people truly enjoy making a difference. =)

Ever notice when you are particularly happy, you are more likely to leave a bigger tip, smile or make someone’s day?

This is perhaps the best thing about happy people: They make these small differences every day, all day.
They smile at the stranger looking down, they leave the tip for the waitress struggling to make ends meet, and they embrace and support the friend that is hurting.

The insightfulness of happy people is truly something to behold, and it can be summarized easily: Happy people are consistently positive in all ways!

~ This is from an article I read from Facebook.

After reading the article, I feel that most of us wants to be happy, but it is not easy. Yes, being happy is a choice in the mind, we have to choose to be happy. But there are times when we feel down as well, during that time, we want to have people around us who can support us and encourage us, some of us do not stay in that period of downness for very long, we can look beyond our situation and feel better.
Do not be discouraged just because you are not always happy all the time, just try to feel better as soon as we can. Practicing the tips above should make it easier for us to feel better the more we incorporate those habits into our daily lives.