Be Still

Infertility journey can feel so lonely… So helpless… So many unknown…

This is the first cycle where I am on a semi-natural cycle… In medicated cycle, I am given Progynova to stimulate my lining to grow, but there won’t be any ovulation or follicle growth with that mediation. For this cycle, I am given Letrozole to stimulate the follicles, so that I may have an ovulation. And being someone with PCOS, I can’t stop worrying whether the medication will work with me, whether it will really cause an ovulation with me, whether this cycle will need to be cancelled…

Since I am not on any other medication, there is no additional external help to try to get ovulation to occur in my body. I just need to believe that the medication will do what it needs to do, and my body will respond to it at its own timing.. And the result will be a positive one… 🙂

The situation may not be the best that we know of, but as long as everything is in God’s hand, He will have the best plans for us at His perfect timing. Trusting and believing that He will show His faithfulness through the situation irregardless of what the natural circumstances may be.


D12 – 22 June 2018

Just finished the doc’s visit today…

There isn’t much progress since Wed’s visit…
Lining : 4.7mm
Largest on left & right ovaries : 13 & 10.5 respectively

Doc’s advice is to continue monitoring for ovulation over the weekend and come back on Monday for another scanning if no ovulation detected over the weekend.

This may be a long and tiring journey but as long as the end result is good, everything will be well worth it.

D8 – Scanning

Done my first scanning after the round of Letrozole.
The lining seems to be thinner than the baseline scan, and there are follicles growing, the doc said that there seem to be some progress, and said that it may be still very early, and I will need to continue scanning.

I am having mixed feelings, I am not sure whether I should be excited that there are some follicles that are growing, or I should be disappointed as the lining is even lower than results during the baseline scan.

Nevertheless, the final result isn’t within my control, I can only do my best to listen to the doc’s advice and follow their instructions.

After the scans, we walked past Clinic D and saw the nurses and had a short chat, and HB commented that we have been here so frequently that we basically know and are comfortable with nurses and they feel like family.
After so many tries, after so many different results, we really get comfortable with some of the staff there, and their well-wishes really made a difference to us… =)

D3 – 14 June 2018

The first side effect from Letrozole I experienced is the headache. It lasted the whole day yesterday. It was horrible. In the end, I went back home after work and literally slept from 7pm till 5am this morning. But at least I do not have anymore headaches today.

I find the pills very bitter as well, not nice, but will still swallow la.. Just 2 more doses of it only.. Just 2 more days..

Yesterday, HB didnt come home throughout the night, so no one prepare breakfast & drinks for me this morning, sob. I just prepare the Red Dates & Longan drink for myself in the morning.


Cycling Again

After trying so many times, and getting so many negative results, the pain will still remain in my heart and mind. Nothing can really ease the pain or cause it to be gone totally.

Decided to start trying again quickly.
And this time round, Dr wants me to try a Letrozole thaw cycle.
Basically I will be on Letrozole from D2-D6 of cycle, go back for scannings, once the lining is of an acceptable size, HCG will be used to trigger ovulation, and Progresterone will be given as support medication.

Father, I lift myself into Your mighty hands. You said in Your Word that You will always be faithful even when we are faithless. We have seen the mighty things You have done for others, and what You have done for us in the past. We believe in Your heart even when we cannot see Your hand, we believe You are in utmost control over all our circumstances, and we believe everything will be according to what You have arranged for it to be. May this cycle be the start for the miracle we have been waiting for.

Having a headache today, which I think should be attributed to the Letrozole I am on as I do not have headaches normally.

Started eating alot of those foods to prepare for lining like Pomegrante juice (1 cup), chicken essence (1 portion), brazil nuts (3 a day), red bean soup (*), red dates & longan drink (1 bottle).
* When Tramp was trying to cook the red bean soup for me using the Soup Maker, we used up all the red beans we bought… hahaha.. =D
1st batch, he soaked them in the Soup Maker for more than 24 hours, opened the Soup Maker can smell the sour smell, I told him to throw that batch out.
2nd batch, he chose paste, and the pandan leaves were blended into the soup, and the taste was horrible, so out goes the 2nd batch.
3rd batch, he chose stew, so the soup was drinkable, but the beans are all still very hard, so we can only drink the soup, but the beans cannot be enjoyed, but the Soup Maker does make everything easier. Red bean soup to be enjoyed in 1 hour (additional time needed to soak the beans and soften them).