1st April 2015 -A special date

This is the day I was admitted to hospital.

A day that will always be remembered.

And this is how the story goes…

I have been married since 2009, and have been trying for a baby since 2012. We went to KKH for treatments and decided to do IUI to get pregnant in 2014 September. My first cycle didn’t materialise as I wasn’t responding as well as expected with the simulation of injections only, so the doctor advised for us to cancel this cycle. We agreed.

I had my second IUI cycle on November 2014. I managed to be stimulated enough with a pills and injections to produce 3 mature follicles. But this cycle failed when I didn’t manage to get pregnant. During the doctor review, she mentioned that my hubby’s sperm count was low on the day of IUI. She suggested that I give IUI one more chance before doing IVF as that is a more invasive procedure.

For my third cycle, I started my medications to induce menses in the end of December 2014, and I was informed that I will need to leave the company by the end of March 2015, due to department restructure. By that time, it was too late for me to reverse the process. My period came 2 days after the news. I started my third IUI cycle. I started my simulation with just injections as the pill will make it harder to stimulate the growth of the uterus lining. As expected, my follicles wasn’t stimulated enough. With the increase of injections amount, my follicles are stimulated, but at a large number too, so the doctor suggested that I either cancel this cycle or to go for IVF instead. We chose the latter. With more injections, and counseling for IVF, I started my IVF cycle. The doctor said that they will only do retrieval this round, but the transfer will only be done in my next cycle so that it will not be too taxing on my body. We agreed.

I had 14 follicles retrieved, but only 4 were fertilized, and finally only 2 made it to the freezing stage. So in my next cycle, both were transferred back into my uterus.

 
After the transfer, it was already March 2015, during the blood test, I know that I was pregnant with a beta of 1300. Which is a good number.

My first appointment was supposed to be on 08 April, which is one that I never made it to.

On 1st April, after my interview in the morning, I was on my way home since I have time before an interview in the afternoon, on the way back, I felt something gushing out from down below. And when I looked down, I realized I was bleeding, massively too. I called and informed my hubby about it, he was preparing for his shift but he called in urgent leave that day. I went home, changed my attire as my clothes are all covered in blood. Put on some pad, and took a cab to hospital. (I didn’t realised that I should have called an ambulance as I didn’t know it was something so serious.) By the time I reached hospital I have bled through my pad. So I changed into a hospital sarong. After waiting for my turn to see the doctor, they did a scan for me.

  

At that time, the doctor managed to find the baby inside my womb. But as I was still bleeding alot, she suggest that I get admitted and they will do a more detailed scan for me the next day.

I was still bleeding alot during the wait in the observation area in the emergency room. I was also listening to other mothers crying about the pain they were experiencing. But for me, I was just bleeding profusely, and I was totally without pain.

  
I was put on a drip to minimize my movement, and was told to just lie in bed. By the time they had a bed for me in the ward, the nurses have already changed me into pampers as I was really bleeding alot. In the ward, the nurses changed me back into pad for them to track the amount I am bleeding.

  
The next day, when the nurses brought me to the detailed scans, no baby can be found in me at all. So I was sent back to the ward. And in the ward, the doctor in charge explained to me the results of the scan, indicating that there isn’t any baby in me at all.

I was released from hospital the next morning.

I am grateful for the people who were there with me throughout my short journey. I enjoyed the moments I have the baby in me. I enjoyed the time I had the baby. The baby may be gone, but the moments are real.

  The times when I continued testing and testing to ensure that I was still pregnant since I didn’t have much symptoms.
The journey may not have been an easy one, but I enjoyed the journey. I have changed quite a bit as well. From someone who is afraid of injection to someone who can give myself injections everyday without fear. From someone who loves excitement from roller coasters to one who prefers the milder way of things. From someone who bothered by the expectation of others to someone who just want to do what is more important.

Of course this isn’t the end of the journey yet, I believe a baby will be blessed to me one day.

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